Wayward Thoughts on a Saturday Night
by Elizabeth Gray
Summary: Oneshort, Post COG, SOME FLUFF, Jace reflects on his feelings for Clary and everything they have been through on a quiet Saturday night.


_**Disclaimer: All characters, places etc…referenced in this monologue belong to Cassandra Clare**_

Sometimes, late at night, Jace wonders how he got to this particular place in his life. We all do it, just as we are about to surrender to sleep, our mind just seems to reflect on the day, your life with nothing more than the sounds of distant cars driving over the B.Q.E. The institute would be silent with the exception of the slow breathing of _her_ next to him.

It would be incredibly cheesy to say that Clary Fray or Fairchild was unquestionably the "love of his life" because Jace could do so much better than a clichéd movie line. He still hadn't found the perfect phrase to describe how he felt about her and he doubts that he ever will. But before her all he knew was duty, the thrill of the chase, adrenaline pumping fast and hard through his veins as he tore through the dark alleyways of New York, with every demon he killed making the city a bit lighter than it was before. He knew he could never fully exterminated demons and he didn't intend nor want to after all, what else was there to do on a Saturday night?

_To love is to destroy; _his father had drilled it into his head at an early age. Jace knew that he should hate him, hate him for nearly starving him to death after wandering around for days, lost with food or water, hate him for killing the first thing other than him that he had ever really loved, the falcon, hate him for cementing the towering walls which Jace made sure had no cracks in its foundation, nothing that could destroy him could enter. Valentine knew more things than Jace could imagine but he could never understand one thing-courage. Valentine had taught Jace to fear nothing, to use violence in the face of any threat. He had taught him to build walls around himself complete with a moat and lasers but by doing that, Jace closed himself off to the rest of the world, to any type of emotion that could possibly end in tragedy because, and he will never admit this, he was afraid. Jace Lightwood was afraid of breaking. He was taught that fear, that love, that loyalty was a weakness and that someone could find that crack and tear the entire protection system down.

Valentine was right…in a way. Clary Fray had broken him, every time he saw her with that bloodsucker he would pull on the vacant expression which he practiced several times to hide the shattered pieces. He had lost her, and she had left him….broken.

It seemed his mind went on autopilot, desperately trying to find rhythm in the turmoil. Clary stirred feelings in him that he had been warned against. She was beautiful with her flaming red hair and her bright green eyes with the adorable scatter of freckles on her nose. She was smart and most of all; her displays of courage were both an awe to Jace and an annoyance. He was taught to fight demons, to hate them but he had never hated them more than when they were within a mile proximity to Clary and, he will also never admit this, but Jace Lightwood was scared every time Clary went into battle. Even a skirmish with a demon got his heart racing more than a thousand fights with shax demons. Her actions went against every one of Valentine's beliefs and….Jace followed her. He followed her to the Durmot Hotel, to the Morgenstern Mansion; he followed her to keep away that fear that one day…she might not come back from one of those battle or skirmishes.

Jace didn't know when he realized it, just that he realized it but the feeling of protectiveness, of jealousy, of anger, of unbelievable frustration had amounted to the forbidden emotion. One that he was absolutely not supposed to feel, even if she wasn't his sister. When she looked at him, wide eyed and questioning, it all went spilling out. He loved her. He loves her. Jace Wayland Morgenstern Herondale Lightwood loves Clary Fray Fairchild. It didn't matter to him what their names are, who their parents are just that the beautiful girl in front of him felt the same way. Others would describe them as "sickeningly in love" or "the yin to the yang." Jace would admit this but to him, Clary was the girl who saved him when he died, the girl who had sacrificed everything for the ones she loved, the girl who displayed so much courage that he had to fight to keep up with her…and he loved it. If you were to ask Jace Lightwood, Clary Fray would be the woman who sleeps next to him in bed and tends to his wounds after a fight while berating his stupid and reckless tendencies. To Jace Lightwood, Clary Fray was just Clary Fray and he never wanted to change that.

So tonight, Jace is away from his warm bed and staring out at the whizzing cars below in the city that he loves most. The hunt this time was fast as he was eager to get home to her. There is a slight shuffling next to him as arms wrap around his waist and Jace smiles as he turned around and holds _her_. Her hair is ruffled from sleep and her eyes blink blearily at him as they adjust to the sudden need for sight.

"What are you doing up?" She murmurs as she places her head on his chest. He holds her close and is reminded of all they had been through, everything they needed to do just to have this peaceful night…together. He tightens his hold around her as she looks up at him in confusion. He bends down and leans his head in, breathing in the familiar yet sweet scent of Clary.

"I love you." Those three forbidden words that he was never supposed to speak. They no longer came tumbling out of his mouth but in a whisper as Clary shivered.

"I love you too Jace now come back inside, it's cold." She pulled him back into bed, away from memories of his father, of memories of her and the bloodsucker. She pulled him into their bed and showed him just how sweet forbidden fruit was.


End file.
